Desert Moon
When T turned twenty-six, soon after he moved into his place in downtown Vancouver in 2002, now determined to make his ‘rock star dreams’ a reality, ‘Desert Moon’ was one of the songs he wrote. T had lived with HIV for six or seven years by now, and ‘Desert Moon’ encapsulates the feeling of isolation, marginalization, HIV stigma, and despair he had been feeling. A fan of Science Fiction since childhood, T imagines himself as an astronaut so disgusted with the fake people and corruption in his universal order; he finds an uninhabited desert moon to isolate himself and spend the rest of his days mourning his universe’s madness. He only has the artificial intelligence in his ship to talk to…
LYRICS
Landing on a desert moon, I wish I could die
There’s nothing here but wasted tears, my mouth, my soul so dry
My laughter’s gone ~ is just a beat-up gong! With no place to cry
But I must be strong, but I can’t go on…. and I just can’t lay down and die
I flew too long without any fears, I flew right past that line
My soul wouldn’t take those wasted years, and now it’s all run dry
My starship ran out of all its fuel, this moon… last place to fly
And now all alone, with no place to go
To sit here, rot and die
And I had a chance to live, but I chose this moon instead
My life could have been so grand, but I chose to make this stand
Yeah, I tried so long to write a song, that no one would ever hear
My voice just travels in the wind, never to be heard again
Just sand and wind in this infernal dance… at least there’s night and day
To watch me and these goings-on, in these dances of internal strife
My only friend is the ship I’m in, she’s hurt but so am I
She talks to me and I talk to her, though I know she’s not alive
Just a food supply, oh how I wish I could die, to find a way to win
It’s a hopeless cause I already lost, ’cause now I only live
And I had a chance to live, but I chose this moon instead
My life could have been so grand, but I chose to make this stand
And the only way that I can see that I will ever be free
Is if someone starts thinking of me, who happens not to be me
And when they find me, I hope they will like me, or I will send them away
For I’ve been through enough, to deal with that kind of stuff
The reason I came here… in the first place
My mission was to search for new life, but all I found was this moon
Sure, I found new faces, lots of funny new faces, but was it anything new
So, I came here at last, to get away at last, ‘cause there’s nothing better to do
Oh, I hope I’m wrong, if you hear this song…
Will ya please tell me, what to do?